Alive
by Eden Lies
Summary: We all strive to die just to feel alive. SebastianxCiel oneshot.


Alright, :) this is my first Kuroshitsuji oneshot. It's a SebastianxCiel. It's kind of pushing T, I think, but meh. I don't own the series, characters, etc, merely the plot. ^^ I hope y'all like it!

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I.

He's on top of him.

He's pinning his master down.

Sebastian feels so...very...powerful.

And best thing, he decides, is that he's got the control he needs to do whatever he pleases. Sebastian can feel the anger and the shock radiating off of his master's struggling form. And the struggling makes the demon all the more excited.

Sebastian bends over, and ever so slowly, brushes an ungloved hand up the boy's neck. His tongue soon follows the trail left behind by his hand. Ciel shudders in distaste and attempts to hide his neck by bending his head forward. Ah, there is his master's stubborn nature. But Sebastian will have none of it, especially not tonight. Not tonight. Gloveless hands shift-one hand holds Ciel's chin up, the other forces the boy's wrists down onto the floor. Sebastian's lips find their way back to Ciel's neck once more, but this time he bestows a fierce, bruising kiss upon it. Ciel just barely holds back a scream.

The air surrounding the two bodies seems indefinitely dense, heavy, and suffocating. Ciel feels infuriated, inflamed, and maybe just a little bit frightened. It's almost as if he can't breathe, he thinks, and he wonders what has gotten into his butl-Ciel can't think anymore.

Sebastian's lips are smothered against his own-hot, harsh, and unrelenting. The boy shivers even though he feels like he's burning. Ciel's fear suddenly jumps when he feels his butler's hands undoing the buttons of his shirt. He finally finds a voice and takes in a few quick breaths.

"Sebastian, stop! That's an or-" He's cut off by his butler's brusing lips. But this time he feels the tip of Sebastian's fangs press against and then dig into his lower lip, almost as if they were punishing. Ciel detects the metallic smell of his own blood, but Sebastian wastes no time in lapping it up. The boy shivers again. Oh, God. Oh God. Oh god oh god oh god.

Stray hands wander beneath Ciel's unbuttoned shirt, leaving hot trails in their wake. And the boy feels humiliated, disgusted, unwilling, and terrified-_why won't Sebastian stop?_

But yet, at the same time, Ciel can't help but to surrender to the heat.

Sebastian grins when he feels the fighting leave his master's body.

The heat rises.

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II.

Sebastian knocks on Ciel's office door. Hearing a muffled 'enter', he opens the door and wheels in a cart with his master's afternoon tea. Every time Sebastian sets his glinting eyes on Ciel, he can't help but to remember the night the boy was his...But he shuts off his thoughts and addresses his master.

"Your tea, young master," Sebastian says, but the boy doesn't respond. He tries again. "Today's tea is a fine Earl Grey, enhanced by German and Austrian spices," the butler offers, and moves to place a filled tea cup on Ciel's desk.

"Get out," Ciel whispers tiredly, and doesn't even turn to look the demon in the face. The teacup remains poised a few inches above the surface of the desk. Sebastian is shocked. Ciel has never refused afternoon tea. Not once.

"But young maste-" Sebastian begins.

"Get out," repeats Ciel, "Get out. That's an order."

Sebastian places the teacup back onto the cart, but doesn't move to leave. He's studying his master. Though the boy's order had been fierce and demanding, Ciel's face and eyes appear to be completely devoid of emotion. And somehow, for some reason, Sebastian can't take it. He turns and makes his way to the door. The butler can't help but to think that facing his master's hatred and disgust is much better than facing apathy. Anger allows for the demon to react. Sebastian doesn't know what to say or what to do when there are no emotions for him to base his actions off of. And those eyes..so flat, so lifeless. It makes him wish for them to shine.

The door closes behind him as he makes his exit.

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III.

Ciel thinks, and yet, he doesn't. He doesn't want to remember, but yet he knows that he can't forget the night that Sebastian...

He's humiliated because of it. He's been humiliated, angered, and hurt ever since. And though he should be burning with fury, he finds that he can't really _feel_ anything anymore. It's like he's dead inside. That night killed him. He stops abruptly in his thoughts.

No, that isn't right.

He's been dead longer than that.

That night just made him realize it.

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IV.

He's young, he's much too young. But one day Ciel returns to find his house burning. The roaring flames, the ash, the screams-he ignores it all in favor of searching for his parents. He checks each and every room in the burning mansion, pushing further and further while his parents remain missing. And the more time he spends in his falling home, the more desperate he becomes. And oddly enough, right then he feels more alive then he'd ever had before. The flames are almost engulfing him and he runs and he opens the door to the library and he-he's found his parents.

But they're dead.

Ever so dead.

And their skin is turning to ashes and he can see their bones and he wants to throw up.

And he feels as if this is all his fault for not having reached them sooner.

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V.

Ciel often wonders about the day his parents died. He wonders if he would have been able to save his parents had he arrived at the mansion earlier. And he wonders if his mother still loves him, and he wonders if his father is still proud of him. And he wonders if his parents forgive him. He hopes that they do.

But whenever he thinks of that day, Ciel always remembers how he'd felt while he was surrounded by the fire. He hadn't been scared, really. He'd been numb, true, but at the same time he'd felt just so _alive_. But why?

That _alive _feeling had returned to him only once, as far as he remembers. And that had been when Sebastian had been on top of him, and he'd been on the floor. And suddenly something clicks in Ciel's brain. He gets it. He finally gets it.

He _needs_ something dangerous to make him feel like living. Because he's too far gone for anything else. And right now, there's only one thing he can do.

Find Sebastian.

Find his butler.

Find his demon.

Find his fear.

Find himself.

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VI.

It's very late in the night. And Ciel's supposed to be asleep in his bed. But he can't close his eyes because he knows what he needs to do. He pulls back plush covers, and slowly slides off of his bed. Without bothering to put on his slippers, the boy makes his way to his room's large mahogany door. He reaches for the knob, but the second he begins to turn it the door flies open towards the outside. Sebastian smiles at Ciel from just outside the doorframe.

"Is there anything you require, young master?" Sebastian had been waiting outside his bedroom door. The boy studies his butler's face for a moment. Sebastian seems smug, almost. As if he knows what Ciel is going to ask for. The boy closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He's not going to back out now. And he knows that he's willing to give in. He needs to _feel_.

**He's willing to die just to feel alive.**

"Sebastian," begins Ciel, "That night...I need you to what you did that night. And that's an order."

His butler is surprised, in the least, but at the same time he knows that he can't refuse. This would be his only chance to inject some sort of life back into his master's eyes. He won't have to face the nothingness in his master's eyes any longer. Sebastian has decided. He's going to make his master _burn_. He _adores_ his master. And Sebastian's already dead himself, really. So he'd never pass up an opportunity to let himself live for a few moments.

Sebastian's hands reach for his master and it all falls apart from there.

_**We all strive to die just to feel alive.**_

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Ok, guys, how did I do? :) Drop reviews, please.


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